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Fog

The drive back from Louisiana today was slow. There was the expected rain in various quantities accompanied by thick fog. The bear grew concerned as we crossed the Mississippi River bridge in Baton Rouge, noting that he couldn’t see anything and wondering how I could drive. I pointed out that we could certainly see directly in front of us. This was satisfactory. As the rain started to come down, I was thankful for the tail lights ahead, glowing red breadcrumbs for the trail home.

Yes, my brain feels foggy today, too. Yesterday I was high on being me. Today I’m in the fog of not quite knowing who to be at any moment. Daughter role gets pushed to back burner when I head back to Jackson, mom role is always engaged. A phone call from my assistant pulled me into administrator role for a few minutes on the drive. I mused about my teacher role and about taking on the student role again (more on that later). Pet owner, housemate, crafter, reader, writer, ukulele player…at any moment I am any of these and I never feel like I’m being the right person at the right time.

I welcome the fog. I welcome the safe haze of the day after the new year begins, when there still feels like there is great possibility but I am starting to see the outlines of the year ahead emerging. Peanut and the bear and I got home ok. The bear is off to dinner with his dad, and the dog and I have settled in, cozy and dry. He is exploring his secret stockpile under the bed. I am discerning those red tail lights. I’ll make out the shape of the cars tomorrow.

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